Every baby is different, but there’s one thing they have in common: They all cry! As a parent, you’ve probably gotten pretty good at identifying the reasons why. But sometimes, it may seem like your baby is crying a lot, or for no clear reason. This can be stressful and make you feel like you’re doing something wrong, even if you’ve tried everything to comfort them.
Give yourself some grace, you’re doing great. Babies cry as their way to communicate. We’ll help you figure out what they may be trying to say, give you tips to help soothe them, and give you advice about when to talk to a doctor about excessive crying and colic.
Why is your baby crying so much? Most of the time, it’s because they need something.
Your main priority as a parent is to make sure your child is happy and healthy. So when they cry, all you want to do is make them feel better. You know they’re trying to tell you something, but sometimes it can be hard to figure out what that is.
While you’ve probably already tried different ways to help your baby feel better, sometimes it’s hard to think clearly when you’re in the baby trenches. Here’s a quick list of the common reasons your baby might have difficulty settling and some tips that can help:
- They’re hungry – When babies are very young, they need to eat frequently because their stomachs are small. So, it never hurts to offer them a bottle or breast. It may be a quick way to stop their crying.
- They’re tired – It may not seem like it, but babies sleep a lot. And sometimes, it’s difficult for them to settle to sleep, so they cry. Shushing, rocking, swaddling and establishing a good sleep schedule when it makes sense can all help calm your baby to sleep.
- They have a wet or dirty diaper – This is usually an easy one to figure out. Keeping your baby’s bottom clean and dry can help keep them happily babbling instead of bawling.
- Their tummy might hurt from gas or constipation – Even as an adult, you understand how much a stomachache can hurt. Your baby is no different, they just can’t tell you how they’re feeling. Bicycling their legs, a gentle stomach massage and even tummy time can help the hurt and stop the tears.
- They may be feeling lonely or scared – Waking up in the dark or not being able to see you in front of them can be confusing for babies. Typically, once you’re back in their eyesight and they’re back in your arms, they’ll start to settle down.
- They’re sick, or they have a fever – Unfortunately, the only thing that can help illness or a fever is time (and maybe a trip to the doctor). But you can help by keeping your baby hydrated, making sure they’re comfortable and giving them extra cuddle time while they’re on the mend.
- They’re overstimulated – Bright lights, lots of activity and loud noises can overwhelm babies, resulting in confusion and crying. The easiest way to help your overstimulated baby is to return to their routine, and take them to a quiet, cool and comfortable space, so they can calm down quickly.
Calm your baby with the 5 S’s of soothing (plus a few more tried and true tips)
For nine months, your baby was tucked safely and snuggly in your belly. Inside, they were soothed by the gentle movements, sounds and other sensations they experienced. The 5 S’s – swaddling, side or stomach position, shushing, swinging and sucking – can help mimic those comforting feelings.
With those in mind, plus some other tips, here are seven things you can try to calm your little one.
1. Change your baby’s position
Changing your baby’s position so that they’re sitting up instead of lying down (or vice versa) can give them new things to focus their attention on. If your baby isn’t rolling over yet, you can wrap them in a snug swaddle and lay them on their back to comfort them.
2. Swing or move your baby gently
This can include rocking your baby (try holding them face down with your hand under their belly and the crook of your arm supporting their head), wearing them in a sling or other carrier, putting them in a baby swing on a low setting, taking them on a walk in a stroller or front-facing carrier, or going for a ride in a car.
3. Reduce factors that may be overstimulating your baby
Babies can get overwhelmed by many forms of stimuli, including bright lights, loud sounds, strong odors and even too much attention. Removing or reducing stimuli can create a more comfortable, less stressful environment for your baby. A warm bath can also help soothe an overstimulated baby.
4. Introduce comforting sounds
Soft music or white noise, like a fan, vacuum cleaner or washing machine in another room, may help calm your baby. Your own voice can also bring comfort to your baby, so try singing soothing songs, shushing them, reading to them from children’s books or talking to them softly.
5. Hold your baby close
Cuddling your baby, holding them against your chest while taking slow, deep breaths or lightly massaging their belly or back with circular motions of your palm can be comforting and may reduce crying time. You can also use this time for additional skin-to-skin contact.
6. Offer your baby a pacifier
The sucking reflex that babies use to nurse also helps them self-soothe. So if you’ve established a nursing routine with your baby, you can try giving them a pacifier during their crying spells.
7. Consider diet and feeding habits
Some babies are sensitive to different types of formulas or to breast milk containing certain allergens from their mother’s diet. These sensitivities can lead to a gassy or upset stomach.
If you’ve found that other factors aren’t contributing to your baby’s stomach upset, talk to your child’s doctor about switching their formula or altering your diet while breastfeeding to see if that eases any stomach discomfort.
And when it comes to breastfeeding, there are several things you can do to minimize gas and discomfort. Make sure your baby is in a comfortable position with their body aligned toward your breast, ensure that they have a good latch and always burp them during and after feeding.
If you feel like you’ve tried everything to stop your baby’s crying, it may be colic
Babies go through stages with their crying. By the time they’re around 6 weeks old, they may cry periodically for up to three hours a day. Typically, their crying will lessen to one or two hours a day by the time they’re 3 or 4 months old.
So if your baby is crying for long periods of time without stopping and nothing seems to help, it may be colic. For parents or caregivers, colic can be a very emotional and frustrating experience. But it’s important to know that colic doesn’t happen because your baby is sick or you’re doing anything wrong.
Doctors don’t know exactly what causes colic in babies. Some theories suggest that it’s related to infants’ sensitivity to stimulation and their developing nervous systems, meaning that it can be easy for them to start crying and hard for them to stop. Other studies suggest that discomfort from things like acid reflux or food intolerances and allergies may also contribute to colic spells, but not as direct causes.
So even though doctors aren’t sure why colic happens to some babies, they can still help you get answers with a diagnosis.
How to tell colic symptoms from regular crying
Crying is a baby’s main way of letting you know they need something. But along with having no clear cause, colic crying tends to have other features that distinguish it from a regular cry.
- Colic crying tends to be more intense than regular crying – It may be higher pitched and sound like your baby is in distress. With this intensity, your baby’s face may turn red, and the skin around their mouth may be pale. They may stiffen their arms, clench their fists, pull in their legs or arch their back while crying.
- Colic crying usually has more of a pattern than the typical baby’s cry – This is because regular crying is usually related to a baby’s core needs such as needing to eat, sleep or get a diaper change, so it can happen irregularly and throughout the day as those needs arise. But colic crying tends to happen around the same time every day, usually in the late afternoon or evening, and the crying has no clear trigger.
- Your baby’s age determines colic versus regular crying – Typically, colic crying starts within the first few weeks after a baby’s birth, peaks between 4-8 weeks of age and usually ends suddenly when babies are 3-4 months old.
While it may not feel like it in the moment, colic will resolve on its own, just not necessarily as quickly as you would like. But rest assured, your baby won’t cry forever. Colic is common, temporary and has no lasting effects on your baby’s health.
For more baby soothing tips or to rule out possible causes of inconsolable crying, talk with your doctor
If you can’t get your baby to stop crying, it can be upsetting and stressful. These are completely normal feelings, and you don’t have to go through it alone. Reach out to your partner, support systems and your child’s doctor if you need advice or support. Don’t forget that your baby will eventually stop crying, and they’ll give you those baby giggles that make even the hardest day worth it.