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When women ask me for advice on how to find the right OB-GYN, I like to share a little-known trick that can make the search clearer: Think about those times you’re with someone you trust and the conversation just seems to come naturally. Those times when you can be yourself and just talk straight. Strange as it may sound, this is actually a useful way to frame your ideal OB-GYN relationship, too.

If this seems a little farfetched, stick with me: You’re looking for a partner you can feel comfortable with, who’ll be there through important and personal aspects of your life. You should be able to talk openly and honestly about your worries and plans, and leave feeling understood, confident about your next steps together.

Of course, there are a lot of excellent doctors to choose from. That can make it a bit overwhelming, especially if you’re not even sure what to ask to make the most of your first appointment. But it’s worth it to find an OB-GYN who makes it easier to go in for visits, have those awkward-but-crucial conversations and get personalized care for wherever you are in life.

Here are my insider tips for finding an OB-GYN who’s right for you:

Know who’s in your network

Start by figuring out which OB-GYNs are in your network. Choosing an OB-GYN in-network usually means your insurance will cover more of their services. This can help you better understand your coverage options and avoid unexpected surprises down the line. If you’re not sure where to look, a good place to begin is your insurance provider’s website.

Ask for a recommendation from friends or family you trust

There’s nothing better than getting a recommendation directly from someone you’re close with who’s pleased with her care. Ask around for people who have a good relationship with their OB-GYN. Listen to what they like about them, and if it sounds like they might be a fit for you, get the details and set up an appointment.

Think about your own personality and communication style

We’ll cover how to get a read on a potential OB-GYN’s manner a little further down, but before that, start with yourself. For example, if you consider yourself more serious, would you want a similar OB-GYN, or someone who can bring a little levity to your visits? Do you want your OB-GYN to just give you the facts, or would you prefer a gentler demeanor?

Think about the “must haves” you’re looking for in your OB-GYN – and what kinds of personalities tend to mesh well with yours – to help you more clearly figure out if a doctor feels right for you when you visit.

Check their history, location and specialty

Once you’ve got your eye on a potential OB-GYN, find their online biography. Check to see if they’re currently practicing at a clinic that’s convenient for you. Board certification – when an OB-GYN has completed extra training and exams beyond their licensure to be recognized as an expert – might be important to you. Also see if you can find details about any specializations. For example, you might want an OB-GYN who’s especially interested in managing heavy periods. Or if you’re pregnant, you might want an obstetrician who’s experienced with gestational diabetes.

Know that your decision isn’t final

Keep in mind that you’re not stuck with your decision. You’re in control of your health care. If your OB-GYN relationship doesn’t seem to be working out, try to talk about your concerns. Sometimes it might be a simple matter of clearing up a miscommunication or misunderstanding, and then everything goes smoothly. But if you feel you need to switch to a new doctor, that’s okay, too. It’s always your choice, and many times your OB-GYN will be part of a larger clinic where you can easily set up an appointment with a different doctor.

It’s common for patients to feel guilt when they want to switch doctors. Don’t! We realize that we can’t possibly be the best fit for every patient. We just want you to find the best fit, whether that’s with us or another doctor.

Read reviews

See what other people are saying about your potential OB-GYN by reading reviews left for them online. Patient satisfaction surveys can tell you what to expect regarding scheduling, availability, office environment, doctor approachability, bedside manner and a whole lot more.

Choosing an OB-GYN or midwife when you’re pregnant

If you’re expecting (or attempting pregnancy), here are a few more tips for finding the OB-GYN or midwife who will guide you through your pregnancy.

If you’re planning a hospital delivery, see which ones your OB-GYN or midwife is affiliated with

Some women already have a hospital in mind; then, they try to find a good OB-GYN or midwife at the location where they want to deliver. Others start with an OB-GYN or midwife they like and then see where they can deliver. Both ways work, but regardless of what method you choose, make sure that hospitals affiliated with your OB-GYN or midwife have their own excellent reputation, have high neonatal standards and are covered by your insurance. You’ll want experience and resources all around so delivery day goes as smoothly as possible.

Talk about what you have in mind for your pregnancy and birth wishes

It’s perfectly fine to come into your pregnancy with opinions about pain management, doulas, induced labor, and much more. Be upfront about what you have in mind so your OB-GYN or midwife can share their expertise about best practices for a smooth and healthy pregnancy and birth. And if you don’t have any firm ideas yet, that’s okay, too. Your OB-GYN or midwife can help you understand your options and work with you to pin down your thoughts.

Pay extra attention to your OB-GYN or midwife practice’s policies

For instance, will you meet with your OB-GYN or midwife regularly, or see different members of your coordinated care team depending on your appointment? What’s the standard procedure for handling after-hours questions? And is your OB-GYN or midwife part of a larger team so that, if needed, you can be connected with other women’s health specialists? Clear answers to these kinds of questions can help you discover what level of care you’d prefer and what feels most comfortable to you.

In general, your OB-GYN or midwife should be open to helping you find answers they may not have. This is an extreme example, but I always tell patients that if they fall and break their arm, they wouldn’t want their gynecologist treating it. We can (and should), however, help guide the patient to the appropriate team.

One thing to remember: trust your instincts

If you forget everything else, the bottom line when picking an OB-GYN is to trust your judgment.

Think about how you feel with your OB-GYN. Do questions and answers come easily, from both you and your doctor? Do they make you feel more relaxed? Do they take the time to explain things to you? Do they listen? It’s not an exact science. Like with a good friend, sometimes you just click.

With an unprecedented wealth of information at your fingertips, finding the right OB-GYN doesn’t have to stress you out. And with these tips in your back pocket, finding the perfect OB-GYN for you might happen a lot sooner than you think.

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